The countdown begins…

Well I can finally say it… I gave my two weeks notice yesterday!! I was nervous as hell but I handed Ursula my letter of resignation, told her I was “homesick” and that my last day would be April 10th. The amount of relief I feel is probably equivalent to that of lying in a cabana with a Pina Colada while looking at the Caribbean. 

She was actually somewhat nice because she probably feels like “she has won.” BUT in the long run, I know I’ve won. All the blood, sweat, tears, vents, happy hours, bitch fits, etc. were all worth it because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Now I can be ignored for a reason!

I am actually being ignored and I wouldn’t notice it so much, if I wasn’t watching the paint dry on the walls. I walked through some of my duties with the receptionist, whom I might add did not take notes, but that was the extent of my day. I did, however, take some joy in the fact that she did not take note. Have fun with your new pet Ursula, I’ll be sitting here counting the fibers in the carpet!

Tomorrow marks 17 days until I’m out of the job from hell, Arizona which is at times hot as hell, and away from the Ursula, the boss of hell. A reflection of my time is soon to come, until then keep on keeping on people!Image

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What do you do all day?

That same question has angered, overwhelmed, confused, and upset me, all at the same time. I haven’t written in a long time because I’ve been focused on other opportunities but adding job hunting to my already crazy corporate world has taken a big toll on me.

I’ve been experiencing the emotional roller coaster of job hunting. You know, getting your hopes up after a phone interview then not hearing for 2 weeks, then finally contacting them to get an email reply that says they have found a “candidate that better fits their qualifications and has more experience.” Dagger.

Add in the fact that work has been emotionally draining, a death in the family that I cannot be there for because flights cost an arm, a leg, some DNA, hair extensions, and feeling friendless, I’m pretty much one post away from pulling a coach and quitting on the spot (but I know I’d never have the guts to do it).

The most recent work drama actually occurred at a happy hour. I was catching up with a coworker and coach (whom I haven’t seen since she quit). It started out as normal girl talk and drinks until my coworker said “Oh I meant to tell you somethings about work…”

Long story short, basically people at work have been questioning what I do all day, why I’m at the company, why the company has spent thousands of dollars on video and Mac equipment and I’ve only made 2 videos, complaining of me being quiet during meetings, why I ask for help (from IT) when I’m supposed to be some expert know-it-all fresh from college and I should know how to do those things, etc.

Needless to say it was not the happiest of hours. I was hurt, angry, discouraged, disappointed, broken, and needed a massive refill of my margarita. Hearing my good friend say these things that people who do not even know me have said, really solidified the fact that I do not fit in with my current company. Clearly other people do not have guts to tell people things to their face but have really big opinions. I can break down each of these complaints and pose an argument…

1. What do I do all day? Honestly, any tasks that Ursula has given me has been completed. However, I find myself a lot of the time looking for things to keep myself busy because Ursula does not give me tasks everyday. She also has not provided guidance to me since I’ve started so taking my own initiative in an industry and company that I know nothing about is what I’ve been doing. I am fully prepared to give anyone a list of tasks I’ve done in the past, such as the newsletter, social media management, flyers and brochures, birthday cards, and more.

2. I want direction. I’ve had a video marketing proposal done since October that no one has seen before because it, along with our marketing proposal, never happened. I have ideas for videos but I need direction and collaboration. This is supposed to be a team effort, not just me so that my friend, is why there have been only 2 videos. So until we starting collaborating, the video equipment and my proposal will probably remain still.

3. People have said I’m too quiet and do not say a thing in meetings, which I have talked about in previous posts because I was upset about this fact. But, yes that is true, I am quiet during meetings because I have no idea what they are talking about. If I was included on emails prior to the meeting, I would be more involved. I am quiet because I am trying to learn about whatever the subject that they are speaking of and have failed to inform me on. My quietness is not defiance, it is listening, try it.

4.  I never came into the job saying “I was a video expert” or “I am a know-it-all.” I just graduated college, I am an expert beer bonger and hangover healer. You assumed that I was an expert at these new media aspects because Ursula does not know how to do any of them. I came in with the attitude that I want to learn as much as I can so when you want to teach me, please do so because I will be ready to listen. I think these complainers have been listening to Ursula talk behind my back and giving people false impressions of me.

5. One of the IT (yes Information Technology) guys has been complaining about why I ask him for help. I ask him for help when it comes to editing photographs and signatures. I do not have Photoshop on my computer, despite my attempts to get it, so I cannot edit photographs. I do not know how one edits signatures but I am willing to learn so please sensei teach me before you complain about me.

I apologize for the vent and slightly bitchy tone of voice but I cannot stand having my work ethic questioned by 1. people who do not know the situation 2. people who do not know me (yes that’s my inner Bon Qui Qui) 3. people who have no idea what they are talking about. I should not have to come into work wondering who is watching me or having justify myself to everyone.

I feel like work is this mind game where I am being watched and have to read people’s minds to find out what the right thing to do is. I already feel like I can’t be myself, now I can never do any thing right because I’m constantly being beat down. Let’s just say my “Can’t keep me down” playlist has been playing on repeat. Also, I really should make a “Stay positive” drinking game because if I took a shot every time someone told me to do that, I’m be drunk all the time.

Exclusion, emotions, and empowerment

According to Dictionary.Reference.com, the definition of “team” is,

Team n. 1. a group of people organized to work together. 
 
I feel like I need to plaster this definition all over Ursula’s desk. You know today was the usual; another meeting, another way to exclude me, another hour of me looking like a muted dumbass. I was, once again, excluded from a marketing meeting per Ursula. Let me explain (as I listen to “Titanium” on repeat.)
 
So Ursula scheduled our marketing meeting and put an agenda in the meeting request. Too bad we didn’t discuss anything on it. We, or should I say her and our sales manager, discussed a part of our biggest campaign of this year (Why choose our company), that I knew nothing about. Literally they had emails, PowerPoints, folders and presentations of information about this topic and this was the first I had ever heard of any it.
 
“I’m criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up”
 
You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach and your stomach just keep sinking as your eyes swell up with tears, yup that’s how I felt. Ursula wouldn’t even look at me during the meeting. I wanted to just get up and ask WHY AM I HERE? How are we supposed to be a “team” if you won’t tell me about anything that is going on?
 
“I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim”
 
As I left working crying (I know completely embarrassing), I felt defeated and broken. My evening got worse after work but that’s a different story. I talked to my parentals and my dad said “play their game.” What the hell kind of game are we playing? Game of Thrones? Chess? I have no clue because I’m a recent college grad and the only games we played were beer pong, flip cup, and slap the bag.
 
“Stone-hard, machine gun
Fired at the ones who run
Stone-hard as bulletproof glass”
 
After talking with them and some much needed girl time (and wishing I was playing flip cup with my college friends because I could actually win that game), I felt better, still down but better then before. I felt support and encouragement. Just because I am a positive and upbeat person, and fresh out of college does not mean I can be treated like I’m nothing or worthless. I should not be leaving work crying.
 
“Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
I’m talking loud not saying much”
 
I decided that Ursula won’t win. She won’t win because she will always be where she is today. I, on the other hand,  have so much more to look forward to and so much to be positive about that she cannot bring me down. I will listen to “Titanium” as many times as I want to and feel empowered. But in the end, I am titanium because I will be moving on and she will remaining the same. You’ll miss me when I’m gone. 
 
“Cut me down
But it’s you who’ll have further to fall”
 
I hope I feel this motivated and empowered after the Color Run this weekend…
 

The Power of Words

We all know the phrase: “Actions speak louder than words.” But let’s be honest, words can make a huge difference, especially when it comes to what kind of day you’re having. Words made every bit the difference in my day today.

The words “my, I, and mine” almost brought me to tears during a meeting with Ursula and a third party consultant. Ursula made a point to say “…my proposal…” AKA the marketing department proposal that WE, as in both of us, were supposed to be working on, “…the flyers that I create…” AKA I’m chopped liver and have clearly do not contribute creatively, and “…Onboarding presentation? That’s mine…” AKA I’m the backup for her with Onboarding, which is our new hire process, and I didn’t do anything to help the team.

Those three words just pushed me off the edge during the meeting. I was originally upset because no words were spoken or exchanged about the goal, topic, and reason for the meeting. So I looked like a complete idiot not knowing anything for the meeting. Speaking of not speaking words, the consultant probably thinks I’m a mute because I did not say a word during the meeting. 

Words of love, support, and encouragement from my friends and family made me feel better throughout the day. Then came another blow of words that I do not wish to disclose but let’s just say they brought my spirit so far down that I began tearing up at my desk.  I don’t deserve to be beat down by anyone, even if I am the low man on the totem pole. 

So now hear my words, “Now matter if you are a senior executive director or the assistant to the assistant’s assistant, you do not deserve to be pushed down and made to feel that you are worthless. You have your own talents and skills, be proud of them.” When I went to talk to the company coach, he said, “You can be your toughest critic. If you can look in the mirror and meet your own expectations, then what more can you do?”

With that said, kick ass and take names people.

Also, if you’re hiring…

Breaking Point

Well ladies and gentlemen, it finally happened. Our coach left the marketing department this afternoon. She hit her breaking point today. Her guidance, expertise, experience, ideas, drive and so much more will be missed, especially by me. I was her protegee. I was a sponge ready to absorb knowledge and learn everything and anything I could. 

So now what?

It’s me and Mutey Mute now. We haven’t talked all week and haven’t collaborated on a project in a while. We have our first one-on-one meeting tomorrow. I’m actually very nervous, not only to be left alone with her in the future but I’m nervous that she will bombard me with accusations while holding a grudge about the past couple months.

My dad’s advice was some of the best advice. “If she start attacking you, just say, “Look I’m not here to live in the past. Coach is gone and we have to move forward.” Since I’m still working on professional confrontation, I may for once follow my parent’s advice. Crazy and desperate, I know.

Coach leaving is not only a breaking point but a turning point. We’re only 10 days into 2013 and shit has already hit the fan. Who knows what tomorrow will hold. Hopefully my 10am meeting will give me some inclination.

I have to take my sister from another mister to the airport tomorrow. Depending on how the morning goes at work, I may be hoping on a plane with her. Here goes nothing. Image

Blind copy

Happy hump day y’all!

I hope everyone is having fabulous week so far. Mine was full of silent treatments, tears, and passive aggressive. Rereading that sentence, my week sounds like a PMSing woman who is one hormone away from clearing out the Ben and Jerry’s shelf at 711. Anyway, the topic I want to discuss has fueled and become a part of the silent treatments and the passive aggressive behavior. It’s email. Email is the corporate version of texting.

2.8 million emails are sent every second. Email has become the lone form of commutation of my department due to one person on my team giving the rest of us the silent treatment. The three of us must resort to email to communicate with one another. If I could post some of the emails that I have seen during my 5 months at the company, you’d think my last post (Those are fights words) was just about the emails.

The silent treatment team member, we’ll just call her Mutey Mute (I hope you all recognize my semi-Honey Boo Boo reference), replies to my emails but she makes a point to avoid and not answer our other team member’s emails, we’ll call her Glitzy. Say hello to delivery and read receipts! The blatant avoidance and passive aggressiveness is all a part of the piss contest that is my department. When Mutey Mute does reply to Glitzy, it inlcudes a whole bunch of attiude followed by a smiley face emoticon, ya know just to make it all just peachy.

Here poses my question: Email is all about interpretation, so how do you know when and how to answer an email to someone who is all about the silent treatment and passive aggressive behavior?

What I’ve found is that with corporate email comes a whole bunch of etiquette rules. If these rules are not followed, problems develop. I’ve noticed that the sassy and rude behavior follows over to face-to-face interaction. All in all, email mirrors face-to-face interaction and if that interaction is unpleasant, welp here comes full out war.

The battle tactic, I mean advice, that I follow is just answer all emails that pertain to projects I am working, or have worked on, answer professionally, and always be polite. I just want to stay out of the drama and all of us get along, then unicorns and CareBears will helps us develop our marketing proposal. Funny story, our marketing proposal is due tomorrow and we have not yet communicated about it. That’ll be Friday’s post.

Anyway, email is not the place to handle corporate conflicts. My department has deeper issues beyond email but my point of this is that use email for good and not evil! I’d rather avoid a problem then solve it so avoid misinterpretation and miscommunication, be straightforward but courteous. When it comes to answering emails, if I don’t have a professional response or do not have the proper answer, I do not response or I follow up with someone who can answer the question. Email is trackable so have documentation that proves that you tried to help and did your best.

Have a wonderful rest of the week and please pray for our marketing meeting tomorrow, which takes place at approximately 1:30 Arizona time.

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