Exclusion, emotions, and empowerment

According to Dictionary.Reference.com, the definition of “team” is,

Team n. 1. a group of people organized to work together. 
 
I feel like I need to plaster this definition all over Ursula’s desk. You know today was the usual; another meeting, another way to exclude me, another hour of me looking like a muted dumbass. I was, once again, excluded from a marketing meeting per Ursula. Let me explain (as I listen to “Titanium” on repeat.)
 
So Ursula scheduled our marketing meeting and put an agenda in the meeting request. Too bad we didn’t discuss anything on it. We, or should I say her and our sales manager, discussed a part of our biggest campaign of this year (Why choose our company), that I knew nothing about. Literally they had emails, PowerPoints, folders and presentations of information about this topic and this was the first I had ever heard of any it.
 
“I’m criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up”
 
You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach and your stomach just keep sinking as your eyes swell up with tears, yup that’s how I felt. Ursula wouldn’t even look at me during the meeting. I wanted to just get up and ask WHY AM I HERE? How are we supposed to be a “team” if you won’t tell me about anything that is going on?
 
“I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim”
 
As I left working crying (I know completely embarrassing), I felt defeated and broken. My evening got worse after work but that’s a different story. I talked to my parentals and my dad said “play their game.” What the hell kind of game are we playing? Game of Thrones? Chess? I have no clue because I’m a recent college grad and the only games we played were beer pong, flip cup, and slap the bag.
 
“Stone-hard, machine gun
Fired at the ones who run
Stone-hard as bulletproof glass”
 
After talking with them and some much needed girl time (and wishing I was playing flip cup with my college friends because I could actually win that game), I felt better, still down but better then before. I felt support and encouragement. Just because I am a positive and upbeat person, and fresh out of college does not mean I can be treated like I’m nothing or worthless. I should not be leaving work crying.
 
“Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
I’m talking loud not saying much”
 
I decided that Ursula won’t win. She won’t win because she will always be where she is today. I, on the other hand,  have so much more to look forward to and so much to be positive about that she cannot bring me down. I will listen to “Titanium” as many times as I want to and feel empowered. But in the end, I am titanium because I will be moving on and she will remaining the same. You’ll miss me when I’m gone. 
 
“Cut me down
But it’s you who’ll have further to fall”
 
I hope I feel this motivated and empowered after the Color Run this weekend…
 

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